Why Moms Can Never Finish A Glass of Wine

I’ve decided all my mommy friends would be alcoholics if given the opportunity. Problem is …none of them ever have enough time to enjoy one SIP of wine, let alone guzzle a whole bottle with wild abandon.

Case in point: I visited my friend Dee recently. She poured both of us a generous glass of DuMol Russian River Chardonnay. (Uh, my new fave … if you’re feeling generous.) As if on cue, her two children proceeded to lose their ever-lovin’ minds. She then spent the next 35 minutes trying to get them situated in front of some mindless cartoon. One had a tantrum. The other feigned starvation. Meanwhile, the glass of wine sat on the counter. Since I can’t stand seeing chilled wine fall back to room temperature, I did the sensible thing: I drank her glass of wine too. On my way back to the ‘fridge for my third glass, I asked her if she needed anything. “I need a FROSTY ADULT BEVERAGE!” she barked from the other room. When I went to help a sister out, her children proceeded to start sparring. It ended up in a full-on, knockdown toddler brawl. I couldn’t bear it any longer. I started drinking directly out of the bottle.

(DuMol … are you listening? I sense a new marketing campaign that targets today’s overworked, overstressed, and over-harried moms of the world: “DuMol – drink ‘em, if you got ‘em … kids, that is.”)

My friend Kiki enjoys her “mommy juice” as much as the next person. She’ll often schedule date night with her husband just to get away from the occasional monotony of motherhood. Her hubby – sensing that she’s thisclose to snapping – offers to drive, orders an exquisite bottle of wine and engages her in witty banter. “Next thing you know …” says Kiki, “…he’s consumed the entire bottle and wants me to drive home. I can’t win.”

Sound familiar?

I have the utmost, profound respect for all the moms out there who are juggling family, careers and general whatnot. I’d raise my glass to toast you … but, chances are, you’d have to change a diaper or something at that exact moment. Just Sayin’.