Stars I Never Want To See OUT Of Character

Meryl Streep is a phenomenal actress …even when she’s pretending to be herself. There, I said it. She’s just one in a laundry list of actors I can barely tolerate in real life. If Meryl is in character, she’s a force to be reckoned with. (“Ah … Dingo … Et … Mah … Bay-BEE!”) I will gladly fork over good money to see her in The Iron Lady. But if I have to watch her in an interview about the movie, I’d rather take a fork in the eye.

Meryl’s off-screen persona is reminiscent of a flighty, harried middle-aged dingbat. She reminds me of Gladys Kravitz. She wins her 839^th Globe Globe and gets flummoxed when she forgets her glasses on the way to the stage to accept her award. Did anyone buy that? Anyone? She then drops a couple swear words to ensure her speech is idolized in social media for ten minutes. When she wins an Oscar next month (and you just KNOW she will), watch Meryl “act” surprised AND overwhelmed. What I’d really like to see is her stomp on stage and say, “This is WAY overdue, people! Did you bastards SEE how brilliant I was in The Devil Wears Prada?”

Alec Baldwin is another actor who shouldn’t be allowed to speak in real life. Ever. He’s overly opinionated …with an ego reported to be the size of Wisconsin. He gets in trouble every time he opens his mouth. Or tweets. But when he’s on screen – he’s sheer genius in anything he does. I’d watch him do a dramatic reading of a cereal box. But when he magically appears on The Tonight Show … it’s time to change the channel.

And let’s not forget the always-effervescent Daryl Hannah. If you look up the word “vapid” in the dictionary, there’s a teeny-tiny picture of her alongside the entry. (“See also: Daryl Hannah”.) She tries to be political, civic-minded and socially conscious when given the opportunity. And, somehow she manages not to succeed at any of them. Here’s a word of advice, girlfriend: Talk about the movie, talk about your hair, talk about having your eyeball poked out by Uma Thurman – but do not speak about third-world atrocities. Or global warming. Or … oh, you get the idea.

I am a celebrity blogger. I write about what I know. Do you see me going off on wild political tangents or socio-economic topics? Nope. If you’re a cog in the Hollywood machine, then PUH-LEEZE stick with the basics. Unless you’re Bono or Oprah – and then you have free reign. The platform is yours. Just Sayin’.